Your Aging Parents’ House: Asset, Burden, or Both?

For many families, the “family home” isn’t just a structure. It’s memory-soaked real estate: pencil marks on the doorframe, backyard wiffle ball games, the spot on the stairs where someone always squeaked because no one ever fixed it.

But when aging parents begin to decline, that same home becomes something else entirely: an asset, a responsibility, and sometimes a source of conflict. With Baby Boomers aging rapidly (the “silver tsunami” is no longer a prediction but a reality), families everywhere are navigating what to do with aging parents’ homes. And the decisions aren’t always simple.

Sometimes the property is an asset, but not always. When you look at the house strictly as property, several issues come into play:

First, there’s upkeep and safety to consider. Even a well maintained home comes with roof repairs, plumbing issues, property taxes, winterizing needs, security issues, accessibility challenges (including stairs and icy walkways). For an older adult on a fixed income, or an adult child trying to help, these can quickly become expensive.

Plus, there is market value versus real value. Parents often believe their home is worth more than it is. Children often discover it’s worth less than they expect. And even if the house is valuable, selling it may trigger tax issues, benefits eligibility issues, or family disputes over who gets what.

Speaking of benefits eligibility, one of the biggest misconceptions in estate planning and elder law is that the home “doesn’t count” for Medicaid. It’s partially true… but dangerously misleading. 

What families don’t realize is that a house may be exempt during your parents’ lifetime, but subject to recovery after death, which can force a sale. Further, transferring a home to children causes a Medicaid penalty period, unless done strategically. If one sibling lives in the home and others don’t, tensions can erupt quickly. Placing the home into a Medicaid asset protection trust can help, but only if done correctly. The home is sometimes the biggest financial piece of the planning puzzle… and one of the least understood.

And the emotional toll is just as hard as the financial burden. Ask any family who has gone through it: Sorting out “what to do with Mom and Dad’s home” isn’t just a legal decision. It’s an emotional one. Siblings may disagree and parents may resist leaving. Everyone may carry their own version of a memory that feels worth defending.

Here are some other options and considerations for handling the family home:

1. Aging in Place with Modifications. Ramp installation, grab bars, stair lifts, walk-in showers, and home-health aides can extend the time a parent can safely remain at home.
2. Downsizing or Moving to a Safer Environment. Sometimes a smaller home, condo, or senior living community is the best blend of independence and support.
3. Transferring the Home Into a Trust. A Medicaid Asset Protection Trust can preserve the home while protecting eligibility.
4. Selling the Home. Sometimes the most practical option, especially if the home is deteriorating or funds are needed for care.
5. Co-ownership Agreements Among Siblings. If multiple children want to keep the home, a clear written agreement prevents disputes later.

For aging parents, the home often symbolizes independence. For adult children, it can symbolize responsibility, or even guilt. For Medicaid planning, it’s a major asset that must be handled carefully. So, is the home an asset or a burden? It’s both.

The best time to talk about these issues is before a crisis hits. Before a fall, before a hospital stay, and before the home becomes a source of disagreement. A thoughtful plan – one that considers finances, Medicaid, family dynamics, and the emotional undercurrent – is the best way to honor both the memories and the practical realities of the home.