Planning for the Disposition of Your Remains

Every October, we’re surrounded by reminders of our own mortality – skeletons on porches, haunted house tours, and ghost stories galore. It’s a good-natured bit of seasonal fun. But for families who’ve lost a loved one, there’s nothing spooky about the confusion and conflict that can arise when no one knows what that person wanted for their final arrangements.

One of the most overlooked areas of estate planning is a disposition of remains. This is your instructions for what should happen to your body after death. It may not be as exciting as creating a trust or choosing guardians for children, but it is an important aspect of your plan.

In many states, the law sets out a priority list of who can make decisions about the disposition of remains: typically a spouse, then adult children, then parents, and so on. Without clear directions, disagreements among family members can delay funeral or cremation arrangements and deepen grief, or cause rifts within a family.

Providing written instructions removes that burden. Instead of asking “What would Mom have wanted?” your loved ones can focus on supporting one another and knowing that Mom’s final wishes are being honored.

So how do we put our wishes into writing? The best way to do this is through a Disposition of Remains document. This is a legally recognized document in many states, that lets you spell out preferences and details about your memorial or ceremony. You can include instructions about the disposition of your body like burial, cremation, or a more modern route, whether you want religious services or a party at your favorite bar, and even details about music and memorial donations.

Some health care directives might also include language about disposition of remains. This document can outline end-of-life medical decisions, as well as some post-death arrangements such as regarding organ donation or donating your body to science. Anything related to the services or what happens after you die should be kept in a different document, whenever possible.

It is also common to include funeral instructions in a Will. It’s better than nothing, but not the most reliable option, since the Will is often not reviewed until final arrangements are done and over with. A stand-alone declaration often works better.

Lastly, a letter of instruction – while not legally binding on its own – may serve as a helpful companion to legal documents, especially for sharing personal preferences about

readings, music, or how you would like to be remembered. This is more informal, and merely a statement of your wishes.

Halloween may seem like an odd time to bring up these topics, but it can actually be an opportunity. The season naturally sparks thoughts of mortality, and a lighthearted moment at a family gathering can open the door to a serious but necessary discussion.

You don’t need to decide everything at once. Start with the basics: burial or cremation, any religious traditions that matter to you, and work on writing them down in a valid document. From there, you can refine details over time. Making clear plans for the disposition of your remains is an act of kindness. It relieves your loved ones of guesswork at a painful moment and helps ensure your wishes are honored.

If you haven’t documented your final-arrangements preferences, consider this Halloween a friendly nudge from the ghosts and goblins at your door: it’s time to get your estate plan in order, from your will and powers of attorney to your final disposition instructions.